Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
