You're my little dorito
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
