I need help removing her.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
