I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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