paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
