dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
