you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
