redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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