there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
