he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
