Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
