You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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