Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
