we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
