I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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