Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Never joke about your clitoris.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
