Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
