I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
