ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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