you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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