Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
