god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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