I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
