my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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