So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this boner is exhausting
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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