I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
