I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
