I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
