I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
