"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Come on in and take your pants off
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