drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
