He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
