Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She bit a glass in half.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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