You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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