Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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