i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
