So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
