btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
