sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
