Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
