after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
