I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
