Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
