People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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