I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
