Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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