the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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