Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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it glows. i had to have it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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