Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have aggressive nipples.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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