I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
