it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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