im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
