We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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