No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Success! We fucked roommates!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
