If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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