Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
