We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
