you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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