Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this will be a night to untag.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
