so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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