i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
