OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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