dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
