i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
