please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
