soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
