The best revenge is premature balding
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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