I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
