I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
