did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
