No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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