Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
