R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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