I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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