If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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