Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
