so explain again why im purple
no
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
