you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
