HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
