Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
