Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
