Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
