What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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