i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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