never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
