well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize